They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
