I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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