There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
