you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
