..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just gift wrapped bread.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
