my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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