And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
