Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Randomize
