If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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