She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
