Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
bring money and cleavage
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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