Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
