If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
