So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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