my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
