I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
