OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
