There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
