WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize