oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
