well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
