So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
