Ketchup is God's man juice
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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