woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize