You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
