Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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