She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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