I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
