Do you still have your period?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
