Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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