VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So much rum. So many feels.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
