my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
