You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
