Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
