omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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