I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
