24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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