she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
