I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
