i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
