What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
