Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
