I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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