my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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