Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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