marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think people are normalizing furries
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
