hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
