sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
