Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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