There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
