I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
