Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
