o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Found the puke drawer
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
