Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
