We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
