well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My Higher Power is John Stamos
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
