I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
