god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
