she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
