Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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