I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
