fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
