You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
