just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
