i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
