my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You're a waste of cheezeits
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
