Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
