I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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